Chairs chairs
Not enough chairs
In the front row
(Thank you for the inspiration Miss F!)
Coming for a northern, western, Christian, cold and very blond country there are many things about Hindu deities that used to distance myself from them, that made whole concept hard for me to grasp.
First, they are many. I was brought up hearing that there is only one God (and his son).
Secondly, they have too many arms and animal features. Not like the western, old man I was told is God.
Thirdly, their complexion is weird; dark hair and blue skin. Not anything like the fair skin and blond hair that I was surrounded with during my upbringing.
I remember writing a paper about Hinduism in secondary school. I found the deities fun to illustrate but very weird. Why would anyone be devoted to someone dances on a dwarf? Or to a chick who has rides around on a tiger? Or to a slaying woman with a tongue longer than Gene Simmons’s of Kiss?
Yoga has since bridged this pubescent distance to the Hindu family of deities and I feel quite close to them nowadays. In fact we are closer than close. Friends of Western psychology may be tempted to diagnose this in schizophrenic terms, but I am sure that they all reside right here, inside of me. I like to think of them as me-gods.
When I get frustrated and disappointed, I try to see how it must have been me-Ganesha who placed some obstacles in my way, and kindly protected me from something even worse. I also trust that he/me can remove the obstacles, once I am on the right track. When I feel I have to make changes to my life, I check-in with me-Kali and ask for help to destroy what needs to be done away with. And when it is time to focus on what I want instead I turn to me-Shiva.
Labeling issues with the character of a deity offers a lot of distance, it gives me a moment to take a step back and name what is going on in other terms. This way it is easier to get a glimpse of that bigger picture of my life that I am often too close to see.
Try it yourself: Instead of sulking or throwing an internal tantrum next time you do not get what you hoped for, send a quiet thanks to Ganesha for protecting you on your path.
When I first started writing these texts I had made myself a schedule to write first thing in the morning, right after my yoga/meditation practice. That served its purpose to get me going and really put pen to paper, or fingers to key-board. At first. But then I noticed how this strict schedule added to my tendency of forcing things in my life.
I felt rushed, pressed, like I was pushing the words out of me. As I am writing this very text it is already 9.30 pm. I am enjoying the different flow this late hour grants my thoughts and fingers. I do not feel as sharp as in the morning, now that tiredness is catching up with me, but on the other hand there is a laid back sensation that carries me along. Maybe it is the need to sleep, maybe it is the Kapha time of the day that makes me feel like this?
I try to nurture softer, less striving qualities of myself that allow me to bend and go more with the flow of the universe. Writing in the evening will be a suitable manifestation of that effort.
My wise coach Charles said that one has to ‘let go, to let come’. I think it is also true that I have to ‘let go, to let flow’.
How do you feel during different times of the day? When are you the most creative?
As I was waiting for my friend at the Sky Train* station today a guard came up to me and told me to stand up. I was peacefully minding my own business reading the Yoga Journal (true!), leaning against a table but this was not acceptable manners. The guard did not care much about the reading I was doing, but about the terrible crime I was committing by leaning on the table.
At first left wing me reacted in an anti-fascist way, wanting to object to this rude, police like interruption of my peace and quiet. But then I realized that if she had been a yoga teacher, I would have listened to her without questioning.
She was actually right. I should not be leaning against that table. I should be minding my alignment. I should stand up, equally distributing my weight on both feet, stand tall, balanced, steady as a mountain, in Mountain pose (Tadasana) instead.
This turned my wait into another step on my yogic path. Moreover, I could greet my friend in a balanced manner, once she arrived.
*Bangkok has an interesting infrastructure solution: the opposite of a subway, an elevated train track, a so-called Sky Train. Personally I like call it the Heaven Train.
Yoga teaches us that we are something more than our eyes perceive, something more than our ears can hear, so much more than our skin can feel. Our true Self is larger than life.
Titles that we carry, roles that we play and status that we strive for are mere theatre. Starring: the Ego.
More and more yogis are coming to this insight. We see beyond our Egos, fancy cars, expensive cloths and well-toned bodies and other status related coulisse we dress ourSelves in.
Can what we are seeing be the beginning of a spiritual revolution? Whereas other revolutions literally have stripped people of their worldly assets, let us instead see the other Self tucked away in an expensive suite.
It is official. I have left.
To leave is to come somewhere else. In my case it is to leave the Foreign Service to come home. Not home as in back to Head Quarters in the capital, but literally Home. Home to my son. Home to my husband.
Home to myself. At least a little closer to myself.
Finding my true Self is work in process and that is what this blog is all about.
That is what yoga is all about.