Öhrn Life Management

A lot of literature about pregnancy focuses on what can go wrong. And it’s true that pregnancy is a state that can be riskful, especially the birthing situation. With all this information that we get bombarded with during pregnancy, I do not even dare to say that most pregnancies are after all healthy. I don’t have any empirical evidence, but I still hope that most pregnancies are healthy, strong and without serious complications.

Can anyone enlighten me about what the statistics look like?

If anything goes wrong, it is ofcourse good to be able to read up on that, to form an opinion and ultimately make educated decisions.

But I strongly believe that the words and thoughts we use are largely creating our world, our feelings and our experience. If we focus on words that are scary, we become afraid. If we focus on words that are nurturing and encouraging, we become secure. Hence, I look for the good, light, positive and beautiful when it comes to reading, studying, thinking, practicing, talking, teaching, writing about pregnancy.

I’m also convinced that we pass on our thoughts and feelings to our unborn – and born – children. So, other than keeping my mood up, I hope that I will also give my child a positive start to life this way.

Dear child,

When I was carrying your brother, I read anything about pregnancy that I could get hold of. Now that I carry you, I read less and feel more. This if of course not a sign of lack of interest in you, but an ambition to send you caring, nurturing and welcoming thoughts.

If you in your stressful life had a tool that could instantly make you:

• calm down
• quiet your mind
• relax
• focus

wouldn’t you use it every day? Especially if you were going through the emotional and physical roller coaster of a pregnancy?

Good news this tool is for free. Even better news is you already own it, for the rest of your life: your breath.

This constant companion, your own rhythm. Rocking your body discretely when at rest. Bursting your lungs under physical effort. Tightening and tensing your muscles under stress. It is yours to tame and make the most off.

Just like your breath is affected by how you feel, so can your breath affect your feelings. Notice how you breathe the next time you are stressed. Isn’t your breath shallow? What happens if you take a few longer breaths?

If you calm your breath down, you will also find that your whole system calms down.

Simultaneously, focusing on the breath will take your mind off what is stressful. As the brain can’t think two thoughts at once you will get a nice break from thoughts that are bugging you.

This basic breathing technique of focusing on your breath can be handy in particular for pregnant ladies that are preparing for the unpredictable and potentially stressful situation of giving birth.

Dear child,

As I breathe for the two of us, I do as often as I remember take deeper, fuller, richer breaths. Making sure my blood is filled with oxygen when it reaches you. You will need it to develop your own lungs.

As any other victim of today’s beauty ideals, I can only say:

- Buuh for hormones that land on my hips!

- Yay for the hormones that land on my breasts!

One very effective way of surpassing that active mind that keeps worrying about different things is to come into a very deep relaxation. It is hard to reach such a state unless guided by someone.

One version of deep relaxation is labelled hypnosis. I carry with me a very positive experience of hypnosis from my first pregnancy and birth.

I was getting impatient as I passed my due date, and literally right after a hypnotherapy session the water broke and the birthing process started.

I was also fortunate enough to have hypnobirthing doula Denise Love by my side during the birth. I have never been in such a deep state of relaxation/meditation/trance –whatever you want to call it. With her help I could keep my focus within and let my body take care of the rest.

Now, I am so lucky that my dear husband is a hypnotherapist himself. He has already done a few sessions with me to promote a healthy pregnancy and to help me relax. I have also sent a few of my prenatal students his way.

We recorded the sessions so that I can listen to them as often as I like. There are many relaxation/meditation CDs out there. I would of course recommend my husband’s voice, but maybe you have a CD you like?

Dear child,

I hope you can hear your dad’s soothing voice as he encourages me to let myself to relax deeper and deeper and deeper. Doesn’t it make you want to relax too?

Most women think that something on their body is either too large or too small. A pregnancy will put such issues in an extreme perspective.

An ex girlfriend of someone close even doubted that she would ever want to become pregnant, as she didn’t want to ‘get fat’. Please let her get over that fear some day.

My waist is expanding, and my thighs. I am impatiently awaiting the arrival of the round, symmetric, balloon-like Wonder globe that will not evolve until the mid- later state of my pregnancy. Until then I will work on finding piece and space in my mind to accept the changes my body goes through.

Dear child,

Help yourself to as much space in my body as you like. It is all yours. We share my body now for a while and no matter what shape or form it takes, I know that you are worth every millimetre and gram of it.

During my first pregnancy I wondered what this talk about morning sickness was all about. Now I know. Or rather, I know what afternoon/evening sickness is.

The only thing that seems to help is food and sleep. I guess it’s my body telling me that I should calm down and  that my baby needs more nutrients. But what a roundabout way of my body to make me feel sick in order to get me to eat more.

Do you have any good tips for curing morning sickness?

Dear child,

Of course I don’t mind eating a few more meals a day. What a treat! And the extra nap in the afternoon is just a bonus. I hope you are enjoying it too.

The more I practice yoga and the more I want to honour my body and mind, the less interested I become in perusing the effects of alcoholic beverages. But in certain social circles the situation of being offered drinks still occurs, and sometimes a ‘no’ requires an explanation.

Since I do not want to share my secret with the world yet, I have some excuses lined up that you also may find useful.

‘No thanks…

- … I’m detoxing’. Come up with a special detox with a far-fetched reference of some book that no one heard of. Especially yoga teachers can get away with this one.

- … I am still recovering from the weekend / from yesterday’. Please note: the first can’t be used on Thursdays/Fridays and the latter can’t be used two days in a row.

- … I’m not feeling well. My belly does not agree with some street food I had yesterday’. Works wonders in a city like Bangkok, because everyone knows the feeling.

- … I have a headache’. Add a frown and a massage to your temples for an authentic look.

- … I’m driving’. Make sure your driver is not waiting in your car outside before you use this one.

- … I’m giving my liver a break. A white month’. Make sure you keep track of your ‘month’, your friends probably will.

Do you have any other good excuses to add? Feel free to share in the comments box!

Dear child,

No drop of alcohol would ever be sweeter than the thought of you being perfectly safe in my belly, far from harms way.

Chances are that you want to keep your pregnancy secret at work for a while. Both to let the news settle in your self and not to rise questions about maternity leave too early.

Here are some tips of how to stay undercover pregnant at work:

- team up with a colleague you can trust with a secret at work who can cover for you. It is always good to have someone to confine in. And to swap drinks with.

-say that you stopped eating breakfast at home when people wonder why you have such a big snack at work.

- if your morning sickness makes you dash to the toilet: complain that you just can’t get rid of that food poisoning you had, that you ate something bad again, that you will never ever have street food again, etc. Works wonders in Bangkok.

- complain that you have put on weight (because your colleagues will notice that anyways) Say that you should go to the gym, but that you just can’t be bothered. -Or that you will start next month.

- if you are an athlete, fake an injury

Do you have any more tips to share?

Dear child,

Luckily, this time around I didn’t have to keep my pregnancy undercover at work. I took a holiday instead.

Pregnancy has become something very medical. Yet it is something that women have always done. Before ultrasounds and blood tests existed, even before there were any hospitals.

It is one of the most natural things your body can go through, yet it is often almost treated as a disease.

Your body and your baby were literally made for each other. Your body and your baby know how to go through a pregnancy, and a birth, if you only let them work together without letting your mind get in the way.

The more relaxed you are, the better you will feel throughout the pregnancy. And the better things will progress on your birthing day. But how good are we really at relaxing?

Most of us need to practise to withdraw from the business of our lives and nurture the calm and quiet that resides in all of us. Yoga and meditation are wonderful tools for us to use to promote a calm sense of well-being.

As with everything, quietening the mind gets easier the more you practise.

What makes you relax?

Dear child,

I try to remember to relax as often as possible, so that you can develop in your own time. We are in no hurry.

Medical descriptions and images of how my baby is developing make me feel a bit strange. It is  awful to say it, but the alien-like images of embryos scare me a bit. I can’t help but thinking about Sigourney Weaver..

At the same time it is so amazing to think that that little thing is going to grow into a human.

I can’t wait for the images in the weekly pregnancy newsletter that I get to become a little more human-like, so I can identify more with him/her.

Dear child,

I focus on feeling you, not seeing you. I know that in time you will reflect a perfect mix of my husband and I, with your very own, special twist.