Öhrn Life Management

Time flies

Krungsri Bank in Bangkok has a sign outside their offices saying ‘Time Deposit’. What a wonderful name of a service! I wonder what they would say if went inside and asked to deposit some time. Just a few minutes, to take out the next time I am running late for a meeting. Or maybe even a few weeks of my pregnancy. So that I could take it out later, say when my child is 16 years old, and be reminded of what it was like in the beginning of times.

I wonder, do they only accept present time? Or could I deposit some dear memories, such as first finding out that I was pregnant?

Or maybe they accept the future? Can I draw a perfect scenario of my dream birth and withdraw it from my account as soon as I go into labour? Please, please?

Also, I wonder if they accept foreign time. Would it be possible to deposit six weeks of CEST (Central European Summer Time) to take out and give to my Thai-born expat children so they get to enjoy a proper Swedish holiday?

What time would you deposit?

Dear Child,
I think of you, floating around inside of me in a blissful, timeless state. Sometime I wish that I can freeze time. That I could enjoy this pregnancy forever. But then again, no. -It would get very uncomfortable us both already by the time you turn 10 months.

Referring to my post below, meditation is a beautiful practice that at any time nurtures my connection to my true Self. During the journey of pregnancy it is a beautiful tool to also further a connection to my baby. These are my top three favorite meditations at the moment:

1) Where do you end and you baby begin?
My dear friend and wise prenatal yoga teacher colleague Joung-Ah was talking to me the other day  about a wonderful meditation that she teaches. It evolves around the question ‘Where do you end and your baby begin?’ and so beautifully embodies the wonder of carrying a baby inside. I am sending thoughts of gratefulness to Joung-Ah, for letting my students and I enjoy this meditation too.

2) Meditation for Pregnancy with Harshada Wagner
A great support for your continuous practice is to listen to a guided mediation at home.  My amazing meditation teacher Harshada Wagner has several guided meditations for connecting with your baby during pregnancy and to visualize birth. Thank you Harshada for bridging gap in space and time by making your meditations downloadable on iTunes Store and here, at amazon.com .

3) Meditations for Pregnancy by Michelle LeClaire O’Neill

Highly recommended

This lovely little book is divided into 36 chapters, one per week, with poems, tips and intention statements. It’s short but oh so sweet and it has truly helped me connect with my babies during both of my pregnancies. Also included is a hypnosis CD to help you prepare for birth. It has been available in the B2S book stores in Bangkok, but I am not sure if it still is (bring the ISBN number: 0740747118). Or check it out here, at amazon.com I am greatly thankful for this constant source of inspiration during pregnancy  and writing.

Dear Child,
I hope that  you enjoy our quiet moments together as much as I do. Can you feel where I begin?

I go to the hospital and listen to my baby’s heart rate. I read in one book how many millimeters my baby is now. In the newsletter that I get every week from a baby site I learn that I no longer have 20 sets of nails – I have 40 of them! 20 outside and 20 inside my body.

Imagine this takes place inside of me! What happens physically during pregnancy is nothing short of a wonder.

Beyond the physical
But there is also other things that go on, beyond the gross physical level. Things that may be even more thrilling than the most obvious. In my yoga and meditation practice (and teaching) I try to nurture the connection to a more subtle dimension of pregnancy, beyond the physical.

You may choose to call it spiritual or energetic, internal or mental work. It doesn’t matter what name we give it.  Anyways, I aim to go beyond the most obvious. To have  a peek at what may lay beyond my bodily experience. – To encounter something bigger and more fascinating than a sore lower back.

A true wonder
There are so many benefits from this work, especially during these nine months of intense physical changes.  Through this I can find emence power to support me and keep me happy. Even when sleep deprived, forced to the toilet by my compressed bladder several times each night as I am.

By stilling my body and thoughts in meditation, a gateway opens up to an inner source of innate knowledge. And with it comes a trust in myself and that my body can go through even the most challenging times of pregnancy – and birth.  This is a true wonder!

Dear Child,
We can not be any closer than we are right now. You residing inside of me is as close as we will ever be. Physically. What goes on beyond this physical level is so much deeper though and even after you leave my body we will still be part of something bigger, that holds both you and I.

Do you ever get carried away carried away with what goes on in the world around you? So easy to keep our focus flowing outwards, to search in the exterior world for happiness and fulfillment. Envy, impatience and desire is born by looking at that intense green glow of the lawn next doors.

Lucky us pregnant ladies who have the intimate and internal process of pregnancy to draw our attention inside. I see how naturally pregnant women become more aware – and intrigued – about what goes on in their bodies during these nine months of mystical creation. Their great drive to care deeply for their babies also translates to a greater respect and care for themselves and their bodies. In a roundabout way by connecting with our babies we also reconnect with ourselves, and vice versa.

One great way of nurturing and supporting this inward flowing attention and connection is through the practice of yoga. Every week, in my prenatal classes I see how the lawn of my prenatal students seem to soak up every word of teaching, like mama cylinders of curiosity and amazement of their own wonder. The fact that they give themselves the time to really water their lawn like this is such a beautiful gift to themselves and their baby.

Me too, I recently gave my lawn a good soak. My whole soul marveled in the joys of the rainy season brought by the great teachings of Harshada Wagner, Bo Srey and Ellen Saltonstall as they visited the Pilatestudio here in Bangkok for a 5-day Anusara yoga training. I was torn my different duties, like being a present mum, but I granted myself the time and invested five whole days to total care of my own lawn. And never shall I regret it. By honouring myself during these five days I am able to connect with myself on a deeper level – and with my baby.

If we do not tend to our own lawn, where will our children grow?

Dear child,

I hope that you will grow grass in the riches shade of green where you can prosper, jump, play and see how strong your infinite power is. I look forward to introduce you to Auntie Frida, who lives where the grass, in the most beautiful tone of green, reaches high for the sky of never-ending inspiration.

Referring to my post on July 27th, we went back to the hospital (on a Sunday!) to have a second ultrasound done in order to check for signs of Down’s syndrome. New, doctor, new equipment, same baby.

I think we ended up with the Rolls Royce of ultrasound machines. -It was an ultra ultrasound. I had only heard rumors about this machine before and was still very impressed. Especially with its giant wide screen. It is so big that a dear friend’s husband even wished he could come back later and watch football on it…

So there we were, once again a bit nervous, but happy that the day was finally there. The doctor showed us how our dear child was kicking and moving around in there, which was a joy to see. It was very comforting for us that the doctor took great care to explain in detail what his trained eyes could make out of the black and white blur on the screen.

He identified very detailed features, such as the nose bone -and even the nose cartilage. With some will and imagination we were happy to also manage to identify this part of the face, since an underdeveloped nose can be an sign of chromosome changes.

Then we got to hear the heart beat and see how the blood was flowing in the umbilical cord.

We were relieved when the doctor measured the part of the neck which is the most important indicator of chromosome changes and saw that it was nice and thin.

In the end, the doctor showed us the fancy 3D feature of the machine and we got some nice, rather human, pictures of our baby sitting there in my uterus waving at us.

The short of the long is: thumbs up for the baby (and the doctor and fancy equipment).

Dear child,
Great to see you again! I am so happy that you are doing fine in there. You looked so strong that I am sure you will keep on being as healthy throughout the pregnancy -and beyond.

Recently my life has taken a dramatic turn that will affect this blog: I am creating new life.

Teaching prenatal yoga to women in the same situation as me, I would like to share more of how yoga can help you stay healthy and happy throughout the nine months of wonder. Therefore, today, on August 1st, this blog changes themes and focuses on yoga and pregnancy.

The posts you find before this date have been written, but kept unpublished until today. Just to be on the safe side.

I got to see my baby for the first time today. What a joy!  S/he was as active as I could feel the other evening.  But s/he was doing aerobics, rather than yoga.

I did not just do any ultrasound, as I am a bit weary about possible negative side effects of ultrasound may have. This was the kind of ultrasound that you can do between week 12 and 13+6  to check for signs of chromosome changes.

I was a bit nervous of course. Not that I know what we would do if the test showed a sad result. I do not really want to think such thoughts unless I have to. Don’t want to worry unnecessarily.

Luckily enough, the doctor said that the baby looked very healthy moving so much. So healthy that he could not ever measure the neck in a proper way, since the baby was not lying still for long enough…

So I have to come back another day, before week the end of week 14.

Dear child,

I hope you didn’t mind us having a peek at you today. I was so happy to see you and your strong arms and legs kicking around. And your beautiful heart beating so steadily.

My whole body is changing to accommodate my baby. As I am finally growing more on the front, rather than to the sides, I find this easier and easier to accept.

As my little belly that has just popped out to say hello and I showed it proudly to my dear friend today. She claims it just looks like gas. How can something so beautiful look like gas?!

Actually, she’s right. There is a lot of gas in there too. And some very soft muscles.

I have been working hard to get my core back into shape since my son left a big void in my belly two years ago. Countless are the plank and boat poses I have suffered through. Still, this time around it is already in week 12 clearly visible that I am pregnant. And gassy.

Dear child,

You don’t look like gas. But I can’t really tell where you start and the gas ends. I hope you feel safe in there, surrounded by my gassy belly. A bit like Nike Air, gently cushioning you every step that I take.

I stretched out in bed last night, relaxed and sank a little deeper into my mattress. Everything became quiet. Except my baby. Like a pulsating heart, with it’s own rhythm, s/he was doing some slumber summer salts deep inside of me. Or was it a sun salutation I could sense?

It was the first time I could feel him/her tumbling around in there. What a joyous feeling.

I had to move my leg out of the aircon’s way, and as my body came to a still I could not feel the internal yoga asanas anymore. I was lying there so still so still asking my baby to keep on moving, but no more. Maybe s/he was in savasana.

Dear child,

I am so happy to feel you move. Your confident pulsating rhythm resonated throughout my soul. Feel free to jump around as much as you like. Enjoy the space around you that is still at this point. When you come out, I will take you to yoga classes where we can stretch out together. I hope you will enjoy yoga as much as the rest of your family.

During pregnancy most women have very vivid and often weird dreams. So do I. But last night was different: it was the most wonderful dream. A perfect dream birth.

I was so relaxed, my whole body was soft and as the dream started I was at the second stage of delivery: just about to meet my baby. My baby was in breach, but that did not matter. I just relaxed and let my body and my baby do the work. I was breathing my baby out.

I will keep the memory of this dream vivid and alive and use it when I visualize how the birth will be. I hope this is a dream that will come true.

Dear child,

Did you feel how effortlessly you joined the world in that dream? I will remember that feeling when you are about to join us in this world. Relaxing and releasing, letting our bodies work together without my mind interfering.