To grow from within

I feel myself growing.

I just learned that my baby is 16,5 cm. I must admit that I have not exactly grown in proportion to those tiny cm. My belly has really popped out, my hips are soft and round and so are my boobs. Even my back seems to be widening. -So me growing is no news to the world.

But there is something more subtle that is also growing, expanding deep inside of me.

I think that pregnancy for any woman is a time in life where the wonders of creation become so intimate and obvious that we can not help but taking a spiritual perspective of our lives.

As I have said before, my prenatal students tend to be very receptive to the more spiritual or philosophical teachings of yoga. Of course some come for the exercise alone, but no matter if they are on a spiritual quest or not, as they progress in their pregnancy, I can see them getting adorned with a subtle glow, a softness that deepens in rhythm with their babies’ growth.

I interpret this as being a result of surrendering more and more to the force of the creation.

That surrendered softness opens doors to a beautiful internal, effortless growing process. Of growing acceptance. Of growing into the role of motherhood. Of growing unconditional  love.

Dear child,
Thank you for inspiring me to grow too, from the inside out.

First things first – A decade of love

Today I celebrate a decade of love to my husband. It was no less than ten (10!) years ago we started going out. Then, I could only hope that that sparkle in his eyes would carry the seeds of the beautiful wonder that is our son, and of the new miracle that is taking shape inside of me right now.

To me, anniversaries like this are such important reminders for me to really celebrate what my husband and I are. Not just by sending flowers, but also by contemplating love. To contemplate that maybe I actually don’t celebrate love enough, in the midst of everyday life.

A wise doula and friend once passed on some great advice to me. She said: ‘Prioritize family like this:
1) Your partner
2) Your children
3) The rest’
At first, this didn’t make sense to me at all. Why on earth wouldn’t I prioritize my little child first?! But then I had a second thought, and saw how the child would be there and get so much attention without me even thinking about it. Whereas my husband was in the risk zone of getting the left overs of energy at the end of a busy baby day – that is, not a lot.

This is why I dedicate my prenatal class tonight to my husband, and I invite you to join me, honoring your partners, @ the Pilatestudio, 5pm www.pilates.co.th.

Or wherever you are, pretend it’s your anniversary and celebrate, honor and praise your loved partner tonight!

Dear Child,
Ten years ago you were but a sparkle in your dad’s eye. Oh, how I long for the day when I shall see our love reflected in the wells of your eyes.

Meditation top 3

Referring to my post below, meditation is a beautiful practice that at any time nurtures my connection to my true Self. During the journey of pregnancy it is a beautiful tool to also further a connection to my baby. These are my top three favorite meditations at the moment:

1) Where do you end and you baby begin?
My dear friend and wise prenatal yoga teacher colleague Joung-Ah was talking to me the other day  about a wonderful meditation that she teaches. It evolves around the question ‘Where do you end and your baby begin?’ and so beautifully embodies the wonder of carrying a baby inside. I am sending thoughts of gratefulness to Joung-Ah, for letting my students and I enjoy this meditation too.

2) Meditation for Pregnancy with Harshada Wagner
A great support for your continuous practice is to listen to a guided mediation at home.  My amazing meditation teacher Harshada Wagner has several guided meditations for connecting with your baby during pregnancy and to visualize birth. Thank you Harshada for bridging gap in space and time by making your meditations downloadable on iTunes Store and here, at amazon.com .

3) Meditations for Pregnancy by Michelle LeClaire O’Neill

Highly recommended

This lovely little book is divided into 36 chapters, one per week, with poems, tips and intention statements. It’s short but oh so sweet and it has truly helped me connect with my babies during both of my pregnancies. Also included is a hypnosis CD to help you prepare for birth. It has been available in the B2S book stores in Bangkok, but I am not sure if it still is (bring the ISBN number: 0740747118). Or check it out here, at amazon.com I am greatly thankful for this constant source of inspiration during pregnancy  and writing.

Dear Child,
I hope that  you enjoy our quiet moments together as much as I do. Can you feel where I begin?

The grass is always greener on the other side, if you forget to water your own

Do you ever get carried away carried away with what goes on in the world around you? So easy to keep our focus flowing outwards, to search in the exterior world for happiness and fulfillment. Envy, impatience and desire is born by looking at that intense green glow of the lawn next doors.

Lucky us pregnant ladies who have the intimate and internal process of pregnancy to draw our attention inside. I see how naturally pregnant women become more aware – and intrigued – about what goes on in their bodies during these nine months of mystical creation. Their great drive to care deeply for their babies also translates to a greater respect and care for themselves and their bodies. In a roundabout way by connecting with our babies we also reconnect with ourselves, and vice versa.

One great way of nurturing and supporting this inward flowing attention and connection is through the practice of yoga. Every week, in my prenatal classes I see how the lawn of my prenatal students seem to soak up every word of teaching, like mama cylinders of curiosity and amazement of their own wonder. The fact that they give themselves the time to really water their lawn like this is such a beautiful gift to themselves and their baby.

Me too, I recently gave my lawn a good soak. My whole soul marveled in the joys of the rainy season brought by the great teachings of Harshada Wagner, Bo Srey and Ellen Saltonstall as they visited the Pilatestudio here in Bangkok for a 5-day Anusara yoga training. I was torn my different duties, like being a present mum, but I granted myself the time and invested five whole days to total care of my own lawn. And never shall I regret it. By honouring myself during these five days I am able to connect with myself on a deeper level – and with my baby.

If we do not tend to our own lawn, where will our children grow?

Dear child,

I hope that you will grow grass in the riches shade of green where you can prosper, jump, play and see how strong your infinite power is. I look forward to introduce you to Auntie Frida, who lives where the grass, in the most beautiful tone of green, reaches high for the sky of never-ending inspiration.

Ultra ultrasound

Referring to my post on July 27th, we went back to the hospital (on a Sunday!) to have a second ultrasound done in order to check for signs of Down’s syndrome. New, doctor, new equipment, same baby.

I think we ended up with the Rolls Royce of ultrasound machines. -It was an ultra ultrasound. I had only heard rumors about this machine before and was still very impressed. Especially with its giant wide screen. It is so big that a dear friend’s husband even wished he could come back later and watch football on it…

So there we were, once again a bit nervous, but happy that the day was finally there. The doctor showed us how our dear child was kicking and moving around in there, which was a joy to see. It was very comforting for us that the doctor took great care to explain in detail what his trained eyes could make out of the black and white blur on the screen.

He identified very detailed features, such as the nose bone -and even the nose cartilage. With some will and imagination we were happy to also manage to identify this part of the face, since an underdeveloped nose can be an sign of chromosome changes.

Then we got to hear the heart beat and see how the blood was flowing in the umbilical cord.

We were relieved when the doctor measured the part of the neck which is the most important indicator of chromosome changes and saw that it was nice and thin.

In the end, the doctor showed us the fancy 3D feature of the machine and we got some nice, rather human, pictures of our baby sitting there in my uterus waving at us.

The short of the long is: thumbs up for the baby (and the doctor and fancy equipment).

Dear child,
Great to see you again! I am so happy that you are doing fine in there. You looked so strong that I am sure you will keep on being as healthy throughout the pregnancy -and beyond.

Undercover pregnant: Reception

Celebration of the Swedish National day. All my ex colleagues, contacts and friends from my time at the Embassy of Sweden will be there, but no one shall know our little secret yet. The strategy for tonight is non-alcoholically waterproof:

1) Sprite with a twist of lemon will be very easily mistaken for a gin and tonic. -If I could stand the taste of tonic I would of course drink virgin GT’s.

2) The good old glass-swapping trick. I will discretely put my full glass down next to my husband’s half full. When it’s time for me to pick up the glass again I will take his glass instead and walk away with a glass that it seems I have been drinking from. A half empty glass in hand I can safely mingle on without anyone becoming suspicious.

3) No gravlax. It will be hard to stay away, but you can’t even trust The Oriental to handle such delicate substances. I’ll have to wait until I go home to Sweden and can have some of my dad’s juniper berry embedded salmon.

Dear child,

We are off to your first function tonight. I hope you will enjoy it. I will love it, because you will be there with me, and not just boring people who think they are very important.

This is unhappiness

Yoga helps us define what make us unhappy:

ego
attachment
rejection
fear

The simple advice for anyone who wants to find the road to happiness is to stay out of the way of these four enemies. If you have an issue or a problem, unfold it and dig deep into it, trace it back to the root. See what you find being the cause of your issue. Isn’t it one of this nasty family of four? Mr Ego, Mrs Attachment, Miss Rejection or Young Master Fear?

For those of you who read Swedish, check out this article about happiness in the Swedish newspaper Svenska Dagbladet. http://www.svd.se/nyheter/idagsidan/psykologi/lycklig-den-som-forstar-att-vara-lycklig_4792827.svd

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Ironman Japan

After finally figuring out how to get to the Island of Goto in Nagasaki prefecture I was off for the Ironman Japan.

In the information for the race it said “Goto, Nagasaki” and I thought that was a slogan for Nagasaki (i.e. I <3 NY), which would have been very easy to get to. It turned out, obviously, that Goto is an island of its own, west-southwest of Nagasaki and Fukuoka – which are the two cities that have connections with Goto either by air or ferry. It is not one of the Okinawa islands, it is one of the Nagasaki islands.

A couple of weeks before the race (or the event rather, since I am told that as long as you don’t go sub 9 hours in an Ironman it is not a race) we got an e-mail from the Mayor of Goto, informing us that due to the Pandemic with the new influenza, the H1N1, they had to make some adjustments regarding the race and during the days leading up to the race.

That meant that they cancelled the Carbo loading dinner as well as the mandatory race briefing. They offered a short race info though, that was good and sufficient. And with all that good Japanese food and loads of rice in every streetcorner, we did not really miss the Carbo loading dinner neither.

Japan is an island nation and Goto is a small island so you have to understand their cautionness. They checked our temperature manually as soon as we got off the plane and it all seemed to be fine.

On race morning we had to do the body marking ourselves and during the run, the aid stations were self serving, due to the risk of spreading the illness.
All of this worked out really well.

So what about the race?

Well, it was my first attempt at an Ironman, having done my homework with three 70.3 races before this and also putting in the hours in training – still I was a bit nervous the day before. As usual I did not know for what. Probably just not knowing what was going to happen.

Getting ready for the swim and a mass start with 1026 athletes at once was as exhilarating as you would think. The water was warm, 22.8 with an overcast. Perfect. Wetsuit swim, but obviously no strippers, again due to the H1N1.

It was a floating start, and when the gun went off the full combat race was full on right away. Now 3.8 kilometers of ocean swim is a long way, especially if you consider that a year ago I had trouble swimming across a 50 meter pool. The day before the race I realized I had not given much thought to how far 3.8 kilomter of open water swimming really was; it is far – I had to pee three times, that’s how far it is – As if almost 23° water in a wetsuit wasn’t hot enough, anyway.

I had a good first lap even though I was off course a little bit towards the end, but a friendly Japanese guy on a surfing board came and got me and showed me the way back to the buoys. I did not check the time after the first lap, since I did not want to be influenced by neither a good time or a bad time, and I actaully managed not to look.

I thought that I could push a little harder on the second lap which I did, still feeling good but the second lap took me 5 minutes longer for some reason. I got out of the water running across the beach heading for showers thinking that I probably had an alright swim, I checked my watch and it said 1.25, which was 5+ minutes better than I had expected.

The bike leg started off on small country roads, flat and fairly easy, after around 40 ks it got a bit tougher when we were leaving the town of Fukue and heading out to the “real” country side where we were going to do two laps of ~55km each, riding along the ocean and over the mountains. It was a great course, with stunning views (I drove the course by car a couple of days before, that is partly why I know about the views – also if you check my time you can understand that I probably checked the views once or twice while on the bike as well.) A stunning bike course with great views often means a tough-ish ride though.

We had an out-and-back section with a U-turn 13 km into the first lap which was where I met Andy, the other “Bangkokian”, realizing then that he was already about 8 ks ahead of me. First I could not decide whether it was thanks to his racing wheels or because of bigger muscles and larger lungs that we had that situation so early in the race… ehh sorry, Event – very soon I decided on the latter.

Coming back after the U-turn part, the course got a lot tougher I thought, having been fairly fast and only demanding because of the technical decents up until then. Short steep climbs, long-ish gradient climbs.

Still perfect conditions though, overcast and warm weather as opposed to hot and sunny which was what it was like during the week leading up to the race.
All of Goto was out cheering us on it seemed, old people sitting on little chairs in their driveways banging on their pots and pans and yelling “Fighto, Fighto!” Amazing support. You would think then that only the old and the mentally ill would be out to cheer on Ironmen in the making – but kids, young adults and middle aged Japanese were all out along the roadside. It was fantastic.

I was tired a couple of times on the bike, on and off really. Usually a bit tired after going uphill for a while… 180 kilometers means you have enough time to have all sorts of feelings really. I was never that tired that I thought that I was not going to make it though, but I remember at one point thinking that I had to run a Marathon afterwards, was a bit intimidating. So I started thinking that I was just going for a run – any run. And it felt a lot better.

At the 96 kilometer mark, Luke McKenzie (Winner 2008 and again this year) and Cameron Watt, another Australian, passed be – or flew by me rather. With these guys I defintately decided it had to do with the racing wheels they were using, plus they started 2 minutes ahead of us on the swim so of course they had a couple of hours on me already (they were obviously on their second lap of the bike). I sat on Lukes wheel for a little while just so that I would make the Race DVD – but 12 seconds was probably not enough and those Japanese probably have som fancy editing software to make sure I don’t appear on the DVD anyway.

Oh well.

One lap later, I had a tiny bit of a bike break down, a spoke broke on my rear wheel and something happened to my front wheel so that both of them were rubbing against the break pads. I stopped to “fix” the spoke, and since I most likely was not a bike mechanic in a previous life this took me a little while – also realizing that with some of the bike mechanics that are on offer in Bangkok I might very well become a bike mechanic in my life to come.
I was thinking that if “The Antonator” had been standing there with his used racing wheels and having them on sale, I would gladly have paid $1200 right then and there. But he did not, and in retrospect I think that was good. Yes I slowed down a bit but I was also tired at 140k, also it may sound a bit contradictory to be slowing down due to not having any breaks, but the technical turns in combination with me being a very cautios rider made that happen. It also gave me a bit of a “rest”, so I think the wheel incident – which really was not an incident at all – was a blessing after all. I now had two wobbly wheels instead of two wobbly legs.

I finished the bike in good spirits even though it took me a little longer than I had expected, 6:42 is not flash, but I was in the changing tent putting my running shoes on and drinking a Japanese Red Bull so all was good.

The run was a bit of out and back deal a couple of times in the beginning, which was fine, and after that we started on a two loop route around Fukue, this means that T1 and T2 were in two different places far from each other. During the run I was amazed how good I felt, as if I had not been cycling at all before that. I know that besides having been very consistent with my run training I also have Coach Vinnie to thank for that, for teaching me the right techniques for the different sports.

I wanted to run the run, which I did. The first lap took me 2.06 apparently, again I did not check my watch. The second lap I expected to be a lot tougher and I thought I was going to feel pain in my legs and so forth, but it did not really happen. Did not even feel the need for the Special Needs stop at 25k. I did the second lap in 1.58.

Running up “Samurai street” and entering the Palace Grounds where the finish line was located was of course a great feeling. It was the end of a long day, an epic day and also it was the end of a few months of many hours of training, which was a lot harder at times than the actual race.

I finished the run in 4.04 and was very pleased with that, my total time was 12h13. At 13 minutes past the hour you always ask yourself “could I have gone any faster anywhere in order to break the magic Hour mark?”. That is a hypothetical question, so I actually avoid asking myself that.

As I said, two of us from Bangkok did the race, Andy finished in an amazing 10h20! What a fantastic effort on his side, also his first Ironman and I am sure he is very soon calling these things a “race” and not an “event”. Of course Andy has Vinnie as his coach as well. :-)

So all in all, Ironman Japan was a great experience for me, Japan and the Japanese were great. I stayed in a homestay which added to the experience. For the “Carbo Loading dinner” we went to ‘Grandma’ who had a living room equipped with multiple TV screens, several speakers and microphones – she served food and performed Karaoke for us. Priceless. With a direct flight from Bangkok to Fukuoka and then a 40 minute flight from there, it is easy to get to Goto. Good climate, crystal clear waters and great crowds, all this makes Japan a good option for anyone in SEA considering doing an Ironman, again, or for the first time.

IF you are considering doing an Ironman though, perhaps you should see a therapist first, I am not cheap but most people think it is worth it, my phone number is below.

To me, an Ironman Event is a family affair, which you can see in some of the pictures that I have enclosed links for. There is also a link for pictures from the Carbo-Loading Karaoke evening that I shared with a Philipino Triathlete that had scraped off the paint of his bike in order to make it lighter, truly inspirational.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/frohrn/sets/72157620492098725/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/frohrn/sets/72157620797062834/